30-Day
Courage-Based Goals
introduction
If you don't love goals, or you feel like goals are 'not you', or you have a crunchy relationship with completion, I highly encourage you to participate!
Committing to this process means you will meet yourself - including your doubts, worries and fears AND your self-belief, self-acceptance, self-worth and self-trust.
The way we approach goals in SBS is non-typical. Courage-based Goals are about bringing more of your values and intentions into the world. Setbacks and challenges are an inevitable part of this! That doesn't mean anything has gone wrong - it means you are making progress 🙂
The beauty of Courage-based Goals is that you can use this for anything: creative projects, work, career or business dreams, relationship intentions, health and well-being.
Please share your victories and progress as well as when you are stalled and full of doubt! You'll be so well supported.
The discussion forum is where you can ask questions, share your thoughts, learnings, confusion and breakthroughs about this Module.
Hello loves!
As per the 4th call: Moving towards completion – let’s share the super doable steps for the next week. Feel free to share thoughts about how you create the conditions to take these steps 🙂
Me: three writing mornings of 30 mins. I’m going to set my alarm for 6am (I’m an early riser so this feels good to me!).
I’ve pivoted from the body goal to a goal to get (back) in touch with my creativity and to feel the joy around being creative.
My super doable first step is to get dressed properly each morning (even if I don’t have calls, get dressed for me) in some of my more colourful and home made outfits, rather than reaching for the safer grey sweater. I have so many clothes I love to look at – now time to start wearing them! This feels good to me, and if I’m feeling a bit exposed I can just notice my feelings and get changed again.
(An aside: I’ve ordered some lilac hair dye to complete one of the tasks on my “risky” bit of the circles – dye my hair a bright colour. I’ve had a pinterest board of purple haired woman for YEARS but too terrified to. So you’ll be able to tell how confident a week I’ve had by my hair colour on the next call. Eek).
Hello!
I have meditated 1.5 times since our Tuesday call – whoop whoop!
I already feel better for it. Once I get on top of this and it feels more natural, I’m going to look at switching out my 2 cups of coffee on an empty tummy routine for some really nice herbal tea.
Both feel completely do-able and like they’ll have quite an impact on my energy management throughout the day.
Hello!
Yep, your point about swapping the tea out for coffee not impacting my meditation practice is a good one.
I need to retain that and keep the feeling of self compassion in my body. I want to continue to commit to the feeling of self compassion being my ‘ground zero’. I realise through our calls how far I’ve strayed from it and I’d like to be able to consistently come home to it.
I have a question that has been percolating over the duration of our Tuesday am calls.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the concept of “upleveling” or “stretching your comfort zone” while maintaining nervous system regulation.
This container is gorgeous, safe, and soft to share, vent and speak to the most protected parts of ourselves. I love it for that.
When we’re not in the container anymore and we notice our protector triggered how do we manage that for ourselves?
How doe we maintain the compassion for ourselves to speak space, kindness and respect to our deepest, most triggered parts when the world around us is noisy, demanding and unrelenting?
Is it a simple case of we have our 30 day goals and keep ‘strengthening that muscle’ for ourselves? If we fall off the horse, we just start a small achievable goal that we know we can commit to and restore the faith and commitment to ourselves again, one day at a time?
x x x x
I love this Kate! I sense that this is quite exciting/interesting to you. I cannot wait to see your purple hair. With your porcelain skin this will look so gorgeous.
And one idea could me to wear one jazzier thing and build up to Full Ensembles 🙂 It might also help to wear something a little extra for you when you are meeting someone you know loves you and will enjoy your experimentation too.
So fun!
Good morning-
I am going to Gentle Yoga class and a cold water dip on Saturday. On a riskier level I am going to recontact the tattoo artist whose calls I missed in January (and am telling myself old stories about disappointing and making the other person angry so protect myself and move in, find another artist)
My son and his partner started sleeping at their new place the night of February 5th.
I am realizing that having them move out is freeing a huge amount of space for me to take better care of myself. I wake up in the morning now and turn lights on and move freely around my home without having to be concerned about disturbing anyone.
It is also offering me opportunities to practice more awareness of what is okay and not okay for me (not okay to have them here on my day off so I asked them to not come over that day which they did not) and to speak my truth. It appears to me they are leaving without much cleaning up after themselves which is not okay with me and I will have that conversation again today.
I love my goal (Cherish My Body) because it is all encompassing and provides opportunities all along the spectrum of doable to pants wetting.
Thank you all for being here and for being an integral part of this process for me. I am so grateful and absolutely delighted to feel connected to everyone I have met on the forums or on the calls.
xx
Mary
What a fab update.
I am struck by how December-Mary is taking care of you now – having your house back to yourself is only possible becasue you had that very brave conversation.
And that’s given you the evidence that it’s safe to ask for what you want. Whatever the response – you get to ask for what you want because this is a way of cherishing your body. To move freely, to have your space nourish you.
Yes to reconnecting with your tattoo artist! This will be no biggie for them – I imagine it happens all the time. Just imagine how delighted they will be when you get back in touch ‘I seem to have missed your call, and I am SO excited about you doing my tattoo – when can we do this?‘.
I love that you are allowing this goal to be so expansive and creative. Enjoy the yoga and dip! Let us know how you feel afterwards 🙂
Good morning SBSers and Sas!!
Just checking in on my weekend: I went to a sweet yoga class on Saturday and my mantra of “Soften and cherish, Soften and cherish” helped me to keep returning to my own body centered experience.
I actually had 2 cold water dips that day. I went in the morning after yoga with my core group of 3 other women (turns out making friends is a huge side benefit of this activity!) and then with the main group for a sunset dip at which easily 50 dippers and their support people showed up. So many ages and genders and body sizes and bathing costumes. It was a scene and I was fully part of it!! Amazing energy!
I did connect with the tattoo artist and have an appointment on February 25th for the tattoo!! Just as you predicted Sas, the artist was completely unperturbed by my reappearance and happy to have the commission.
My son’s partner has had a severe allergic reaction to their new living space and has moved out, at least temporarily, from their new apartment. I have not offered my home as a solution. I have held, with love for them and myself, my position of they need to continue to move everything out and clean as they go and surprise! when I returned home last night from work, I was delighted to find they had make significant progress and had left the vacated areas neat and tidy.
I sense I am gathering evidence that my anxious anticipation of events and conversations is so much worse than the actual experience of the event or conversation. My Protector has been adamant about protecting me from even a whiff of conflict or failure or negative judgement or rejection to the point of paralysis or even harm to my precious self. I have to back myself into a completely untenable corner before my Fierce Warrior emerges and (at times very unskillfully) extricates me from my own constructed predicament.
The parallels with the cold water dipping are not lost on me— what appears to be hard: stripping down in the wintry air and entering the lake then immersing myself up to my neck in the water turns out actually is not that hard and the results are so much joy and happiness and connection to myself and others.
With a heart full of gratitude for each of you and Sas and all the hard work and gifts of this program,
xx
Mary
Hi all 🥰
My goal is to write a 2500 word draft of one story idea over the next two weeks.
My plan for week 1 is to schedule in 20 minute writing sessions.
If this goes well then I will extend the writing time to 30 minutes in the second week.
Working towards a word count and a setting an actual amount of writing time for each day feels absolutely terrifying! (I’m telling myself I won’t be able to do it..) but, I also feel like now is exactly the right time to stretch myself a bit so let’s see what happens! Xx
Hello Everyone here at SBS!!!
I’ve missed the connection with all of you wonderful people and the structure of SBS during our hiatus.
My 30 day goal is to increase my level of physical activity as part of the larger goal of cherishing my body.
I don’t actually want to do this in some very big ways yet I know it is a huge missing piece of my wellness.
I did join the gym in December and have been stymied (hello Protector!) due to login issues for signing up for classes (my preferred mode of movement) and the holidays. Underneath that is all the fear of starting in again now at my age after several years away from exercise plus body issues, introversion, fear of appearing less than (there’s the big one!), etc etc.
Not sure what I am asking for here: reassurance that even though I do not like this goal, it still counts as my 30 day goal?
Updates: My son and his partner have signed a lease for their own apartment starting February 1st.
I’m continuing many of the habits started in my first 30 day goal of Financial Wellness including reaching out for tax help months before the deadline.
Thank you everyone for being here.
xxx
Mary
Hello Mary! So excited to be at this with you again along with all the other splendid SBS folks.
I’m curious how your goal of “Cherishing My Body” turns into a goal you do not like, “Increase Physical Activity”? Sometimes, to me, goals start feeling like tight knots with a lot wound up into them. In order to actually starting taking action, I’ve needed to tease apart the sucky feeling and make easier, less sucky feeling actions. My perfectionistic protector party bullies me that these smaller steps don’t count.
I’m wondering what is the easiest possible goal you could make in that direction that would feel doable on your most resistant days? Do you have any beliefs that if it isn’t a gym class it doesn’t “count” enough? What else might count as an increase in physical activity for you?
I too am working on a body goal and these are some of the questions I’m asking myself. I’ve been trying for YEARS to increase my physical activity and I haven’t done it. So I’m keen to see any regular success at all in that direction for myself no matter how small.
Hey Lovette! So good to see you here 🙂
How fun that your goal shares a direction of travel with Mary.
These are such excellent questions to ask yourself! I wonder what’s coming up for you?
And because you have a history with this goal, one question to sit with is why this matters to you, now? The answers will likely offer insight into what (if anything) has changed for you?
I’m really looking forward to supporting you!
Mary! Welcome back lovely – I’ve missed you too 🙂
Cherishing your body? Hello, bloody brilliant goal. Gosh, that makes me well up a little bit actually (maybe there is something in there for me too?).
And yes, you do not have to ‘love’ your goal right now! You might even have a lot of resistance to it and it can still be an excellent goal. You’ll know this because, underneath the resistance, you’ll probably feel the truth of it from your Healthy Adult Self.
This is one of the reasons I don’t buy into the bollocks of everything having to be a ‘hell yes’. You are a complex, nuanced being and sometimes the yes is quiet and a bit reluctant.
So excited to support you with this!
Also: PS: your son is moving out?! Bravo 🙂
Thank you Sas- yes my HAS loves to move to
Music with others in a class. I’m my heart of hearts (hello Sage) I do know that more physical activity is what my HAS truly wants. Thank you for your reassurance that it sparkles and rainbows don’t have to fall from the sky when I choose a goal.
See you tomorrow in class!
PS signed up for a gentle yoga class tomorrow afternoon- bolstered by SBS/HAS, Warrior, I figured out the glitchy site and voila I’m signed up!
xxx
Mary
Great idea Lovette! Not sure if this is helpful or not but some of the little things I do to reward myself for completing a task at work are:
- Making myself a cup of tea or a posh coffee (i.e. using the espresso maker, bothering to heat up the milk).
- Finding the cat and giving him a cuddle.
- Finding my husband and giving them a cuddle.
- Putting a favourite song on and having a little dance.
- Going to see if anything new is growing in the garden.
- Doing a row or two of knitting.
I often have trouble with rewards, both coming up with them and allowing myself to have them. So thanks for this prompt!
- Taking a bath, or soaking my feet/hands and moisturising them.
- Nature Time! Allowing myself a bit of time to watch the birds/other animals outside my window or look closely at leaves/flowers – so fun and interesting.
- 20-minute nap or Shavasana.
I’d love to see your mega-list if you’d like to share it!
Hello everyone! Happy New Year 🙂
Seems like a lot of us have body or movement related goals. Mine is going to be “Prioritising what feels good for my body.” A big part of this will be committing to a regular yoga class – I always feel better when I go! And if I remember my swimming costume, I hope to use the steam room at the gym after class to continue the feeling of relaxation (this feels so icky – must rush home to do chores or spend time with my spouse! So indulgent to take an extra 15 mins etc)
But while watching the call replay I wrote a list of all the other things that “prioritising what feels good for my body might mean”, including: opting for comfy shoes rather than smart ones, wearing fabrics that don’t irritate my skin, taking my laptop and working in a position other than set at my desk e.g. lying on my front on the floor to stretch my back, taking breaks from work to stretch, having a bath, booking a massage. And actually, sometimes going for a jog or lifting weights if that’s what my body craves. Trusting that I will sometimes want to do a more intense work out, so not forcing myself to when I’d rather take a bath or a nap. Oh, and not scrolling social media because I’m starting to notice that feels bad in my body.
I love how expansive your list is Kate – that’s so key! Thinking really creatively about all the many ways you can find out what feels good for your body.
One way to do this is to go through your day and reflect on all that your body comes into contact with – how your sheets and pillow feels, how you begin your days, the feel of fabrics and colours of your clothes…. etc
Loving #TeamBody!
Ok loves, so as I mentioned on the call, my goal is a writing project – I want to complete my book proposal (which started last September!!!) and send it out to agents.
Some stream of consciousness for you (welcome to my brain!)…
Honestly, on a scale of 1-10, I’m probably at a 5-6 in terms of believing I will actually do it. I worked with a brilliant coach last year who helped me get to the last mile – so I have my sample chapter and introduction letter to complete and a final edit and feedback before sending out the proposal.
One of the ways I procrastinate is to put in loads of effort and then delay the ‘last step’…
I think the reason I am doing this is that it’s new territory – I’ve never done this before – which makes me feel heaps of discomfort. It feels like a lot is riding on it – even more so than (if/when) I get published. Maybe because the publishing industry doesn’t feel like ‘my people’?
I also tend to go off into the future and worry about what might happen…
I can totally see how I’m protecting myself from disappointment. What if no one wants to represent me? What if no one wants to publish? What if I don’t feel supported because a book agent is like ‘you can have self-doubt!’…. so I’ll end up feeling alone in the process.
Fun times!
So this week, I’m going to make a list of all the things I need to do to complete this project. And put my courage-based plan together. I’ll share it with you xx
I notice that next to your name and picture is Author! The Universe is already claiming that for you!
We are all here for you Sas and I say that because I think this community is truly showing up for one another- so much support and cheering and careful listening and responding happening here.
xxx
Mary
Hello again everyone! I’m so glad we’re doing another round of a 30-day goal. I would like some help to define my goal. It is still related to my online program, which has been slowly evolving since my last update. It is basically a home program that parents can follow to correct their child’s speech problem – they do the therapy, and I support them, so almost like distance therapy but I’m not the person actually doing the activities with the child. At the moment I have one person doing the program and I’m filming the videos as she progresses.
For some relevant context, my overall goal for this year is to increase my income to be making €5k per month gross (through whatever means) by the end of the year. After putting that out there I promptly got booked out (thanks universe!) and people are continuing to call wanting therapy. I should point out that I cannot reach my goal with the current business model of my speech pathology studio (primarily 1:1 therapy) even if I’m booked out. I have offered the program to two people who are keen to get started with therapy instead of waiting for a spot, and I’m pleased to be able to offer this option seeing as at the moment it’s impossible to get an appointment with a speech pathologist in my area, everyone is booked out!
While my initial thoughts this year were around developing an online presence in some way with the plan to eventually offer services and resources in a non 1:1 capacity, I’m thinking for my 30 day goal to focus on something that is needed right now to help people who are calling me and cannot get an appointment. So something around developing/finishing this program and making it easier to offer to people. Some thoughts on what I could achieve in 30 days: filming and making available the remaining videos, or creating and making available some sort of flyer or sales page that I could direct people to, updating my very basic website to include this offer…???
Nasreen – welcome back! SO good to have your energy with us 🙂
Firstly, congrats on getting booked out for your 1:1 services – that is so brilliant!
Your home programme for parents sounds like a fantastic addition to your business. SO many plusses to having a programme that is available for people – in addition to helping you reach your own financial growth.
Putting my business mentoring hat on for a second, I completely agree that serving this current need is way more important than your online presence. You already have the demand – so this goal feels very on point.
Regarding your goal, my nudge is to choose something that helps you feel excited about this creation stage. This is the phase of the programme you are in right now.
Maybe your goal about 30 days to get the programme ‘made’?
Sometimes it can be really helpful just to have a deadline! All the research suggests short, digestible lessons are the way. So what are the foundations/first steps for speech therapy? Maybe there are 6/10 lessons in here?
Remember, this initial course doesn’t have to cover everything. It might be the first course in a series. And there are online course sites (teachable, thinkific are a couple I know of) that will integrate with your website and host the whole thing for you (so all you have to do is create the content).
I wouldn’t worry too much about the marketing of it right now because this will come as you create it. Maybe have a task that’s about collecting messages and ideas for marketing? You might want to have a simple sign-up page on your website for anyone interested and start to talk about it with folks who are interested in working with you.
What comes up for you there, Nasreen?
Thanks Sas, I agree that completing the first iteration of the program is pretty motivating – I would feel much more confident offering it if I knew that it was all ready to go! The videos are all short so if I have to re-do/update any of them it’s not a problem. The first intro videos would be useful as a reference even for clients who are coming to the studio for therapy. So my 30 day goal is: complete the video lessons for my program. I have already collected some marketing ideas, thinking that perhaps I should put any additional program-related tasks on individual post-it notes as “optional extras” for this month.
Hi everyone, Happy New Year!
I’ve just watched the video, thanks all. I am really finding it difficult to articulate a goal.
I think I’d like to set a goal around my work in the world. I am just over halfway through a 2-year career break from my current job and I know I don’t want to go back to it. But I also feel like I have NO IDEA what to do next. Like, my mind goes completely blank. And when I think about why that happens, it really feels like my heart is putting up a wall against discovering (or maybe it would be more accurate to say ‘admitting’) what it could be. I guess I am trying to put up a wall against failure or disappointment or other potentially scary outcomes of discovering what it is that I’d really like to do, and the possibility that I won’t be able to do it or to do it well.
So, in using Sas’ 3 questions to find a goal that speaks to me and seems achievable, I understand that I want my life to have more meaning. I need help figuring out what can I do around this that feels like it comes from my Healthy Adult Self and also feels resonant and doable over 30 days.
In the video Tanya finds some potential starting points that sound really good and totally reasonable – but that do not seem doable for me right now. For example, looking at what I enjoy doing in my current role. (As I write that it sounds absolutely ridiculous – why would something so easy not feel doable? But I genuinely feel the mind-blank and a visceral ‘Oh bloody hell no please don’t make me do that’ feeling coming on when I picture sitting down to write those things out. Seriously, wtf is wrong with me?!?)
I guess it’s just that I feel like I have tried it so many times before – taking stock of enjoyable activities, my values and skills, etc., in order to decide next steps – and none of it has seemed to help me find clarity. The things I come up with either feel kind of untrue once looked at in the cold light of day, or I ignore what I’ve come up with and just do whatever job I manage to get. But my one wild and precious life feels like it is drifting away from me, and I am at the point where I cannot let that happen anymore. Yet I feel so frozen and can’t seem to find a way to start the melting. I just feel so much resistance and I don’t know how to get past it. I feel like I am resisting everything, including setting a goal. I know that part of this is tied to the burnout I was feeling before I took this career break, and I’m pretty sure part of it is tied to my Protectors. But I just feel so tangled up that I can’t even see the smallest possible step forward.
Ugh, I have a million more over-thinking questions and considerations I could add but I will stop here! I’d really value any thoughts and advice from you all. Or, you know, cat videos so I can just ignore it till it goes away.
Hi Christine,
I feel this so much. I have done all the things, too, and sometimes I’m like, I know my values, I know what I love, I know what I want, so why am I not?
Not sure that I have any advice, other than sharing what helps me–when I manage to do it. I’ve been feeling very lethargic these days, partly because of this pandemic that feels never-ending and partly because of so much time indoors during some wild weather in California. I kept telling myself that I would get out and walk when the weather improved, and it has and I haven’t. But I do know that when I do one small thing, like getting out of my place (which doesn’t always feel small), or making myself a healthful meal, my energy and motivation usually increase. At the risk of sounding like a Nike ad, just taking that tiny action helps me. And at least for me, at least these days, tiny is key. I’m trying to be my own booster section and not minimize the small steps I take, even if my heart is wanting more. I’m trying to trust that the larger dreams I have will happen, and that these small steps are on the path, even if I can’t always see the destination.
And I will offer this–we have all been through an absolute shitshow the last few years. I remind myself of this when I’m feeling life is passing me by. The pandemic, for those of us in the States, Trump and the GOP, and too many things to name–all of it has taken a toll. And I’m here, still trying, still hoping. I want to honor that, for me, for all of us.
This is not a cat video, but I found it incredibly beautiful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Uo2nomf4I0
Hope you enjoy it, too!
Those small, tiny steps are absolutely gold Susan! I would love you to start rewarding yourself with cat stickers / gold stars, whatever makes you smile 🙂
I completely agree that the last few years have been so traumatic, I think many of us are just starting to process everything. So every tiny thing you do really counts xx
Christine – it’s so good to see you and to read everything you have shared here.
From what you’ve said, in my professional estimation, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you – it just sounds like you’ve got a really vocal Protector who has decided to offer you lots of career guidance!
While this is really frustrating (I so hear that!), it will be for a bloody good reason.
The mind-blank and tangled thoughts / the ‘frozen’ resistance, offers us a great clue as to what might be happening here.
If we think about the ‘freeze’ stress response, I always see this as the ‘nobody move, nobody gets hurt‘ form of protection.
I wonder what comes up when you ponder this? What might be the ‘hurt’ your Protector is worried about?
Hello and happy new year!
I am starting with small steps. My goal is around a photography project, and since Dec 31, I have been spending at least 15 minutes each day working on it, often more than that. But 15 minutes is the plan, and I’ve stayed with it. So, I’m not sure if my goal for SBS should be 30 more days (I’m planning to go a lot more than that), or if it should be one photo I can finally declare done. I’m close.to that, finally. 🙂
Thank you! I’m also giving myself permission to hop around a bit, something I’ve always judged myself harshly for. Part of that was because I’ve used jumping around as an avoidance tactic in the past, but I’m feeling more grounded, like if I wander off (which I’m going to do regardless of what any critic, inner or outer, tells me), I’ll find my way back.
Loves,
I’ve made my list of actions (below). I have procrastinated on just writing the bloody list! And the thing I realised as I wrote this is that actually, I am at the last phase of this project – all the ‘easy, doable’ tasks are done!
So of course, this is bringing up more resistance. Just acknowledging that has helped me feel more compassionate towards myself.
I’m starting action today. I’ve booked those writing days 🙂
Finishing Book Proposal
- Book writing days in my calendar
- Draft sample chapter
- describe each protector
- Client story x 2
- Write introduction
- Send to PW for feedback
- Edit sample chapter
- Send to PD + JG for feedback
- Talk to PW about agents to approach
- Talk to TT – who is her agent?
- Put everything together into one doc!
- Draft my intro letter
- Finalise intro letter
- Send Proposal out to Agents
Hi everyone! My 30 day goal is around finding ways to take better care of myself – really experimenting with ways to find nourishment and play.
So far on my list of actions to do to achieve my goal I’ve written a list of activities I could try; and then written:
Ask for others suggestions of activities
Make time for it in diary
Commit to doing it
I feel like there’s probably more to add to the list of actions. I also thought (as per ‘ask’ action) that others might suggest some novel activities I could try. So….
What do you recommend as ways to take care of yourself?
What else should I be adding to my list of actions?
Thanks lovely people!
P.S Sadly not able to join tomorrow’s session but look forward to watching back.
I too found today’s call really helpful, and written loads of notes. So thank you to everyone who shared, I was able to relate and get ideas from everything you were saying. ALSO I’m feeling particularly insecure about my hair at the moment because the only hairdressers that makes me feel safe/not anxious is closed for refurbishment so I’m not been able to get a trim when I wanted. So a particular thanks to Mary and Sas, because getting a hair compliment has had a huge impact on my mood today! xx
P.S. I have a sticker on my notebook which says “There is strength in your softness” which I realised after a while wasn’t something that really chimed with me, so I crossed it out and changed it to “There is softness in your strength” as a reminder of what I can lose by being this proud/resilient/strong/independent woman (which I love). As Andy said, we gain little by being strong and resilient to the detriment of our own spirit.
Hello everyone –
Checking in for the first time for 2023! It’s been a slow emergence into the new year for me. I was all set to hit the ground running – found my word of the year: CELEBRATE. Started doing some self-coaching on the year ahead, and then I received a diagnosis that I have Hashimoto’s disease. This was a few weeks ago, and it totally threw me off track as it was very unexpected.
I have noticed I have had a lot of emotions around this diagnosis (understandably) and definitely had some thoughts about how, as a result, ‘I’m behind’. Behind with the new year, that it’s almost February and I don’t feel like I’ve got going yet, that I haven’t set goals or reflected on 2022 to inform this year… etc, etc. However, I’ve realised how unhelpful this is so I am choosing to think of this all in another way – I am not behind, I am exactly where I need to be. I needed to rest and process, and I will continue to do so. There is no rush.
With this in mind, I think I might have found my goal?
To take my word of the year, and CELEBRATE my body. To find things every single day that I want to celebrate about it. Today I am celebrating my ability to heal, my resilience and my instinctual awareness. I am celebrating that I had the energy to workout, and it felt great. I also nourished myself so well with the food I know will help me heal.
I don’t know if this even classifies as a goal? It isn’t huge, it isn’t complicated, but I think it helps me shift my mindset from ‘I’m broken / my body has betrayed me’ to ‘I love my body, my body loves me back. I am not broken, and my body wants to heal’.
Sas, any thoughts?
Hannah x
Hannah! My palindrome sister 🙂 SO good to see you here. And just a few weeks after a big old diagnosis – of course there has been a pause. I am cheering on your self-talk – it sounds like you noticed how unhelpful this was and adjusted compassionately – bravo!
Spending 30 days celebrating your body is a great goal – especially as your relationship with your body is so relevant for you right now. And this will be the foundation of everything else.
The 30 days could be about tuning in to see what you have energy for. What foods might nourish you today. How you want to move today. How you want to adorn, treat, and celebrate your body today… Just keeping a record of this is going to give you so much great info as you learn more about how to thrive with this diagnosis.
I want you to notice how the word ‘celebrate’ feels and if you want to tweak this? (you might not!).
We’ve been talking about inevitable setbacks – one of the most common is all-or-nothing thinking – that we get locked into pass/fail criteria. There will be days when of course you don’t feel like celebrating your body – is it possible that you might see those days as a ‘fail’ and it causes your goal to collapse? It might not!
Some alternatives might be:
- 30 days of cherishing my body.
- 30 days of nourishing my body.
- 30 days of finding out what heals my body.
- 30 days of finding out what my body needs to thrive.
How does this land for you Hannah?
Hi everyone. Thanks for all your messages of support on the call. I wanted to share how immediately I had a bit of a breakthrough, and my first breadcrumb, after leaving my desk to make lunch. Sharing our thoughts and ideas together really is magic!
I realised that it’s actually not that I don’t have ideas about what I want to do. I have a lot of thoughts that bring excitement but I immediately shut them down for being stupid!
- I shouldn’t be spending my money on more tattoos.
- Dying my hair a bright colour means I’d have to do the roots regularly. And people always tell me my hair is a nice colour so I can’t bleach it.
- Nail polish always wears off quickly so there’s no point.
- I can’t do random crafty things at home without children to do them with.
- I can’t try new crafts, I should work on getting better at knitting.
- There’s no point getting dressed in nice clothes or being creative with my outfits when I work from home.
- Why do you want to make sock monkeys out of the socks you don’t wear? What would you do with them? It’ll just be more clutter.
- You shouldn’t need the external validation of posting your creative hobbies on social media. Also why should you be on instagram if you don’t have a business to promote? Social media is bad for mental health. Also, you need a personal brand and a consistent theme to share work online.
- Ooh this photo paper is expensive, don’t print many pictures for your scrapbook.
- Why bother to print photos that don’t have people in them?
Additionally, on some level I think these small joys don’t matter as much as say, changing my career path. That all or nothing thinking strikes again!
I feel another goal forming about creative expression and play…
Hello everyone! I was about to start this with an apology for being late to the party and have stopped myself. I’m here now and that’s what matters.
Thank you to everyone who has shared here and on the calls, you have all given me courage and inspiration to do the same.
I’ve been watching the calls on catch-up and the discussion around creative goals resonated with me. I want to wake up my dormant artistic skills and reinvigorate that part of myself. Atm it feels too overwhelming, it’s too big a goal and I let life get in the way as the goal is so undefined.
During the second call, I think it was Sas who said something about creating the conditions in which to work, which was a lightbulb moment for me. I have a pile of physical clutter in my workspace at home, I literally have to walk around it to get to my desk (I also work from home in my day job) and sometimes dread going in there.
This is the legacy of moving house three days before lockdown in 2020 (!) and not being able to clear crap out for months afterwards. As a result it’s made its way to the room at the bottom of the house, where I’ve left it all. There are also some things from my ex-married house (sold in 2015!) that have travelled with me that I no longer need/want – those things are dispersed around the house and in my way (energetically speaking).
I dream of hiring a skip and chucking it all out but some of it is worth selling (or maybe offering it for free…?), and the guilt of sending it to landfill prevents me. I’m tired of clearing things out after seven years in which I moved twice and sold/donated/gave away more things than I can remember, but these are the last vestiges of that period of my life.
I want to clear the physical clutter and by doing so help clear some of the emotional and energetic crap that’s blocking me. Now I’m focussing on it, it feels like a constant pressure around my neck and shoulders.
When I thought about why I procrastinate, my healthy adult self immediately popped up and went, hmmm….it’s pretty obvious, it’s in your face! My protector has stopped me “seeing” it and has stopped me from listening to my healthy adult self, who knows I need to deal with it.
I’m not sure how to distill that into a pithy one-line goal – “create the space to create” isn’t quite it – but I feel an order of sage sticks coming on. x
Kate! It’s SO good to see you here and I loved reading your share. And yes, to everything that is so overwhelming and RIGHT THERE that we just ignore it. I think this is a wildly shared experience 🙂
I sense that these forms of clutter are now inviting you to tend to them. Like, now is the time!
What if your goal was: ’30 days to clear my space’?
You can make a list of all the spaces you want to clear and categorise them as we do into Easy, Doable, etc. Whenever I’ve supported folks to do this kind of work there is usually a sense of overwhelm, and that does tend to lessen as you get into it.
It’s likely that some spaces and items do carry more emotional weight. How might you take care of yourself when that happens? One of my favourites is to have a huge cry. Also: when I was unpacking my own ex-married house I took several boxes of stuff to the recycling centre and smashed lots of smashable things (this is highly recommended when there is anger).
An Easy task this weekend watching Stacy Solomon’s excellent ‘Sort your life out’ show. Or The Home Edit. Just to get you in the vibe.
All to say – you can make this process as creative as you want! Keep asking: how can I clear my space today?
How does that land for you Kate?
Just watching the replay and the conversation with Candida. I also struggle with compassion vs letting myself off the hook. I find it useful to think of how I would respond to my child (or my dear friend) in this situation? If I have someone’s best interests at heart, how do I respond? Would I encourage them to do the hard thing? If my child is struggling with homework do I tell him to just shut the book he won’t get in that much trouble anyway, or do I reconfigure it to give him more support/have a short break/do some now and some later/choose a different homework task right now? This strategy only works if you are a parent who doesn’t coddle their child, obvs 😏 Another thing I sometimes try is asking myself if I’ll be happy about this decision when I’m laying my head on the pillow tonight? Will I be happy that I (for example) didn’t do a workout today? (maybe yes!) Will I be happy that I substituted my usual workout for a 15 min cycle with my son? Will I be happy that I pushed through and did it even though I have a sore knee?
This was a really useful conversation to hear.
Hello everyone! Late to the party as just watched the first video but wanted to share where I am. I seem to have been following some sort of plan as outlined here without me really realising it. 4 months ago I had an accident and have gone from being a really physically active person to.. well, not… and at the moment not even really being able to talk. So obviously my BIG goal is to get back to the person that I was but in the meantime I have been moving along in small steps.
One of my goals is to get out walking again as I used to take my dog out for 1 to 2 hours a day every day. Up until last month I couldn’t even leave the house without panicking.
However, this month (admittedly with the help of anxiety meds) I am making progress. 🙌
I started off just walking on the porch, then progressed to down the lane and back, then to the end of the main road, etc. Eventually I made it as far as the beach (10 mins). This week I have started going out twice a day. And my aim every day is to go just that little bit further than the day before. It’s like I have to forge those new neural pathways again!
Looking forward to watching the rest of the videos and seeing everyone’s progress. 😀
Hello everyone,
This week has been interesting, my favorite catchall word. I’ve been doing something related to my 30-day goal every day (15 minutes of something around my photography project) and am now on day 42. I started before class, obvs, because it felt like the right time.
And now I am showing myself some kindness. I injured myself on Weds by tripping over something on the sidewalk, literally falling flat on my face and needing stitches on my lower lip. Painful af. I’m not up to photographing my project at the moment, so I’ve gone back to 15 minutes of watching Photohop videos or charging batteries, etc. And I am totally ok with that and not feeling as though it will all slip away. I’m really looking forward to getting back to the work but I’m honoring my need for rest.
I took an online class last week that was project-based and spent several hours each day making work and continue to take photos up until Wednesday when I fell. I learned so much, got great feedback on my images and am not considering a low-residency MFA program, if I can figure out how to finance it.
Hope everyone is doing well.
My word – Day 42!
I love that this opens you up to seeing where you might go with your photography. An MFA sounds fascinating.
AND it sounds like you are including a lot of compassion for yourself – amazing. I am curious to know if you are noticing the relationship changing to your art, and your creativity?
So sorry to hear about your fall. That sounds very shocking and painful, I’m sending love.
Thank you, Sas! Yes, hurt like a mf, and I have the pain threshold of a toddler :(. Still hurts, although I’m healing well.
The self-compassion is getting easier for me, maybe bc I started meditating again after a super long time away? As for changing my relationship to art and creativity, I think it has. I’ve always thought of myself as creative, but sometimes just in my mind without any output and that frustrated me. Now I know that my camera is waiting for me and I have confidence I will get back to it and not forget what I’ve been learning. I’m still needing to rest and will ease back in slowly. I also feel like I’ve reached another level and the tech part isn’t nearly as difficult as it has been, although it will probably never be a strength, and that is totally ok. Who knows, maybe I can help others who are struggling in the same way?
Yes, the MFA is something I’m going to let percolate. It’s 60K USD, which I do not have, but I could start saving, maybe. Something nice to dream about.
<3
You’ve dedicated yourself to learning the tech, and embodying your creativity with your 15 minutes a day commitment – so it makes complete sense that you are now feeling like your creativity is a very real part of your self-concept – not just an idea.
Healing from this injury sounds like the perfect space to daydream in 🙂
So sorry for the mess up with this morning’s call 🙁
The email notification was meant to go out last Wednesday, but there was some kind of glitch with my email provider, and I didn’t notice it was unsent until this morning.
Hope to see you tomorrow – Wednesday 15th – at the slightly earlier time of 10am.
Hello! Not sure where to put this, it’s a reflection on the criticism workshop that Sas did this week. For me it definitely applies to my courage-based goal, because one of the things that holds me back from completing and promoting my program is fear of criticism, specifically fear of being seen as incompetent in a professional context. This workshop really helped me work through that, it was so good! I can now see that yes, although I am a capable competent person I am also incompetent at times, and just as well otherwise I would be an automaton, which is a) not how I want to live and b) the very thing that would actually make me an incompetent speech pathologist.
As for my courage-based goal, I’ve recorded an additional video and outlined the other videos, to be recorded next week. Chugging along and making tweaks as I go.
Hello loves!
As per the 4th call: Moving towards completion – let’s share the super doable steps for the next week. Feel free to share thoughts about how you create the conditions to take these steps 🙂
Me: three writing mornings of 30 mins. I’m going to set my alarm for 6am (I’m an early riser so this feels good to me!).
I’m going to consciously do one thing that brings me joy every day.
I’m setting a really low bar on the one thing (e.g. stand outside in the sunshine for 2mins) so every day feels good to me.
Yes Fiona! I love this for you 🙂
I’ve pivoted from the body goal to a goal to get (back) in touch with my creativity and to feel the joy around being creative.
My super doable first step is to get dressed properly each morning (even if I don’t have calls, get dressed for me) in some of my more colourful and home made outfits, rather than reaching for the safer grey sweater. I have so many clothes I love to look at – now time to start wearing them! This feels good to me, and if I’m feeling a bit exposed I can just notice my feelings and get changed again.
(An aside: I’ve ordered some lilac hair dye to complete one of the tasks on my “risky” bit of the circles – dye my hair a bright colour. I’ve had a pinterest board of purple haired woman for YEARS but too terrified to. So you’ll be able to tell how confident a week I’ve had by my hair colour on the next call. Eek).
I love this so much! Looking forward to hearing how you get on! (And excited to see your hair! 💜)
Hello!
I have meditated 1.5 times since our Tuesday call – whoop whoop!
I already feel better for it. Once I get on top of this and it feels more natural, I’m going to look at switching out my 2 cups of coffee on an empty tummy routine for some really nice herbal tea.
Both feel completely do-able and like they’ll have quite an impact on my energy management throughout the day.
Andy this is a beautiful update. Completely doable and you feel better – you’re doing it.
And I notice you adding in extras 🙂 Just to offer that the tea is a lovely idea, and you never have to do that for meditation to be enough.
How does that land for you Andy? x
Hello!
Yep, your point about swapping the tea out for coffee not impacting my meditation practice is a good one.
I need to retain that and keep the feeling of self compassion in my body. I want to continue to commit to the feeling of self compassion being my ‘ground zero’. I realise through our calls how far I’ve strayed from it and I’d like to be able to consistently come home to it.
I have a question that has been percolating over the duration of our Tuesday am calls.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the concept of “upleveling” or “stretching your comfort zone” while maintaining nervous system regulation.
This container is gorgeous, safe, and soft to share, vent and speak to the most protected parts of ourselves. I love it for that.
When we’re not in the container anymore and we notice our protector triggered how do we manage that for ourselves?
How doe we maintain the compassion for ourselves to speak space, kindness and respect to our deepest, most triggered parts when the world around us is noisy, demanding and unrelenting?
Is it a simple case of we have our 30 day goals and keep ‘strengthening that muscle’ for ourselves? If we fall off the horse, we just start a small achievable goal that we know we can commit to and restore the faith and commitment to ourselves again, one day at a time?
x x x x
I love this Kate! I sense that this is quite exciting/interesting to you. I cannot wait to see your purple hair. With your porcelain skin this will look so gorgeous.
And one idea could me to wear one jazzier thing and build up to Full Ensembles 🙂 It might also help to wear something a little extra for you when you are meeting someone you know loves you and will enjoy your experimentation too.
So fun!
Good morning-
I am going to Gentle Yoga class and a cold water dip on Saturday. On a riskier level I am going to recontact the tattoo artist whose calls I missed in January (and am telling myself old stories about disappointing and making the other person angry so protect myself and move in, find another artist)
My son and his partner started sleeping at their new place the night of February 5th.
I am realizing that having them move out is freeing a huge amount of space for me to take better care of myself. I wake up in the morning now and turn lights on and move freely around my home without having to be concerned about disturbing anyone.
It is also offering me opportunities to practice more awareness of what is okay and not okay for me (not okay to have them here on my day off so I asked them to not come over that day which they did not) and to speak my truth. It appears to me they are leaving without much cleaning up after themselves which is not okay with me and I will have that conversation again today.
I love my goal (Cherish My Body) because it is all encompassing and provides opportunities all along the spectrum of doable to pants wetting.
Thank you all for being here and for being an integral part of this process for me. I am so grateful and absolutely delighted to feel connected to everyone I have met on the forums or on the calls.
xx
Mary
What a fab update.
I am struck by how December-Mary is taking care of you now – having your house back to yourself is only possible becasue you had that very brave conversation.
And that’s given you the evidence that it’s safe to ask for what you want. Whatever the response – you get to ask for what you want because this is a way of cherishing your body. To move freely, to have your space nourish you.
Yes to reconnecting with your tattoo artist! This will be no biggie for them – I imagine it happens all the time. Just imagine how delighted they will be when you get back in touch ‘I seem to have missed your call, and I am SO excited about you doing my tattoo – when can we do this?‘.
I love that you are allowing this goal to be so expansive and creative. Enjoy the yoga and dip! Let us know how you feel afterwards 🙂
Good morning SBSers and Sas!!
Just checking in on my weekend: I went to a sweet yoga class on Saturday and my mantra of “Soften and cherish, Soften and cherish” helped me to keep returning to my own body centered experience.
I actually had 2 cold water dips that day. I went in the morning after yoga with my core group of 3 other women (turns out making friends is a huge side benefit of this activity!) and then with the main group for a sunset dip at which easily 50 dippers and their support people showed up. So many ages and genders and body sizes and bathing costumes. It was a scene and I was fully part of it!! Amazing energy!
I did connect with the tattoo artist and have an appointment on February 25th for the tattoo!! Just as you predicted Sas, the artist was completely unperturbed by my reappearance and happy to have the commission.
My son’s partner has had a severe allergic reaction to their new living space and has moved out, at least temporarily, from their new apartment. I have not offered my home as a solution. I have held, with love for them and myself, my position of they need to continue to move everything out and clean as they go and surprise! when I returned home last night from work, I was delighted to find they had make significant progress and had left the vacated areas neat and tidy.
I sense I am gathering evidence that my anxious anticipation of events and conversations is so much worse than the actual experience of the event or conversation. My Protector has been adamant about protecting me from even a whiff of conflict or failure or negative judgement or rejection to the point of paralysis or even harm to my precious self. I have to back myself into a completely untenable corner before my Fierce Warrior emerges and (at times very unskillfully) extricates me from my own constructed predicament.
The parallels with the cold water dipping are not lost on me— what appears to be hard: stripping down in the wintry air and entering the lake then immersing myself up to my neck in the water turns out actually is not that hard and the results are so much joy and happiness and connection to myself and others.
With a heart full of gratitude for each of you and Sas and all the hard work and gifts of this program,
xx
Mary
Hi all 🥰
My goal is to write a 2500 word draft of one story idea over the next two weeks.
My plan for week 1 is to schedule in 20 minute writing sessions.
If this goes well then I will extend the writing time to 30 minutes in the second week.
Working towards a word count and a setting an actual amount of writing time for each day feels absolutely terrifying! (I’m telling myself I won’t be able to do it..) but, I also feel like now is exactly the right time to stretch myself a bit so let’s see what happens! Xx
Sheena this sounds so nourishing. 20 minute writing sessions – yes!
And because few things go completely to plan, it might be clunky for the first couple of sessions. Maybe just me?!
Do check in afterwards and let us know how you are doing. We are all rooting for you xx
Hello Sas, where do we view the missed calls for this special class? I’m not seeing them…
Nevermind. 🙂 Hard to see what is right in front of you sometimes…
Hello Everyone here at SBS!!!
I’ve missed the connection with all of you wonderful people and the structure of SBS during our hiatus.
My 30 day goal is to increase my level of physical activity as part of the larger goal of cherishing my body.
I don’t actually want to do this in some very big ways yet I know it is a huge missing piece of my wellness.
I did join the gym in December and have been stymied (hello Protector!) due to login issues for signing up for classes (my preferred mode of movement) and the holidays. Underneath that is all the fear of starting in again now at my age after several years away from exercise plus body issues, introversion, fear of appearing less than (there’s the big one!), etc etc.
Not sure what I am asking for here: reassurance that even though I do not like this goal, it still counts as my 30 day goal?
Updates: My son and his partner have signed a lease for their own apartment starting February 1st.
I’m continuing many of the habits started in my first 30 day goal of Financial Wellness including reaching out for tax help months before the deadline.
Thank you everyone for being here.
xxx
Mary
Hello Mary! So excited to be at this with you again along with all the other splendid SBS folks.
I’m curious how your goal of “Cherishing My Body” turns into a goal you do not like, “Increase Physical Activity”? Sometimes, to me, goals start feeling like tight knots with a lot wound up into them. In order to actually starting taking action, I’ve needed to tease apart the sucky feeling and make easier, less sucky feeling actions. My perfectionistic protector party bullies me that these smaller steps don’t count.
I’m wondering what is the easiest possible goal you could make in that direction that would feel doable on your most resistant days? Do you have any beliefs that if it isn’t a gym class it doesn’t “count” enough? What else might count as an increase in physical activity for you?
I too am working on a body goal and these are some of the questions I’m asking myself. I’ve been trying for YEARS to increase my physical activity and I haven’t done it. So I’m keen to see any regular success at all in that direction for myself no matter how small.
Hey Lovette! So good to see you here 🙂
How fun that your goal shares a direction of travel with Mary.
These are such excellent questions to ask yourself! I wonder what’s coming up for you?
And because you have a history with this goal, one question to sit with is why this matters to you, now? The answers will likely offer insight into what (if anything) has changed for you?
I’m really looking forward to supporting you!
Thanks for your comments and questions Lovette. Here’s to both of us asking and inquiring with curiosity and kindness! I’m here for you too!
xxx
Mary
Mary! Welcome back lovely – I’ve missed you too 🙂
Cherishing your body? Hello, bloody brilliant goal. Gosh, that makes me well up a little bit actually (maybe there is something in there for me too?).
And yes, you do not have to ‘love’ your goal right now! You might even have a lot of resistance to it and it can still be an excellent goal. You’ll know this because, underneath the resistance, you’ll probably feel the truth of it from your Healthy Adult Self.
This is one of the reasons I don’t buy into the bollocks of everything having to be a ‘hell yes’. You are a complex, nuanced being and sometimes the yes is quiet and a bit reluctant.
So excited to support you with this!
Also: PS: your son is moving out?! Bravo 🙂
Thank you Sas- yes my HAS loves to move to
Music with others in a class. I’m my heart of hearts (hello Sage) I do know that more physical activity is what my HAS truly wants. Thank you for your reassurance that it sparkles and rainbows don’t have to fall from the sky when I choose a goal.
See you tomorrow in class!
PS signed up for a gentle yoga class tomorrow afternoon- bolstered by SBS/HAS, Warrior, I figured out the glitchy site and voila I’m signed up!
xxx
Mary
Can we make a mega list of no-cost/low-cost rewards?
I’m kinda stymied on this. I guess there are lists of such things that are google-able but I’m wondering what some of you might recommend.
Great idea Lovette! Not sure if this is helpful or not but some of the little things I do to reward myself for completing a task at work are:
Thank you Kate! These are lovely and so doable!!! I’m going to start making a mega list of easy peasy lovely micro-rewards. Fun!
I often have trouble with rewards, both coming up with them and allowing myself to have them. So thanks for this prompt!
I’d love to see your mega-list if you’d like to share it!
Hello everyone! I wondered why I couldn’t join the first session of the year but realised I’m half an hour early (can’t delete this message but edited). Look forward to speaking soon.
Hey Fiona – you are in the right place. We start at 10:30 – I’ve added the zoom link above. See you soon x
Hello everyone! Happy New Year 🙂
Seems like a lot of us have body or movement related goals. Mine is going to be “Prioritising what feels good for my body.” A big part of this will be committing to a regular yoga class – I always feel better when I go! And if I remember my swimming costume, I hope to use the steam room at the gym after class to continue the feeling of relaxation (this feels so icky – must rush home to do chores or spend time with my spouse! So indulgent to take an extra 15 mins etc)
But while watching the call replay I wrote a list of all the other things that “prioritising what feels good for my body might mean”, including: opting for comfy shoes rather than smart ones, wearing fabrics that don’t irritate my skin, taking my laptop and working in a position other than set at my desk e.g. lying on my front on the floor to stretch my back, taking breaks from work to stretch, having a bath, booking a massage. And actually, sometimes going for a jog or lifting weights if that’s what my body craves. Trusting that I will sometimes want to do a more intense work out, so not forcing myself to when I’d rather take a bath or a nap. Oh, and not scrolling social media because I’m starting to notice that feels bad in my body.
I love how expansive your list is Kate – that’s so key! Thinking really creatively about all the many ways you can find out what feels good for your body.
One way to do this is to go through your day and reflect on all that your body comes into contact with – how your sheets and pillow feels, how you begin your days, the feel of fabrics and colours of your clothes…. etc
Loving #TeamBody!
Ok loves, so as I mentioned on the call, my goal is a writing project – I want to complete my book proposal (which started last September!!!) and send it out to agents.
Some stream of consciousness for you (welcome to my brain!)…
Honestly, on a scale of 1-10, I’m probably at a 5-6 in terms of believing I will actually do it. I worked with a brilliant coach last year who helped me get to the last mile – so I have my sample chapter and introduction letter to complete and a final edit and feedback before sending out the proposal.
One of the ways I procrastinate is to put in loads of effort and then delay the ‘last step’…
I think the reason I am doing this is that it’s new territory – I’ve never done this before – which makes me feel heaps of discomfort. It feels like a lot is riding on it – even more so than (if/when) I get published. Maybe because the publishing industry doesn’t feel like ‘my people’?
I also tend to go off into the future and worry about what might happen…
I can totally see how I’m protecting myself from disappointment. What if no one wants to represent me? What if no one wants to publish? What if I don’t feel supported because a book agent is like ‘you can have self-doubt!’…. so I’ll end up feeling alone in the process.
Fun times!
So this week, I’m going to make a list of all the things I need to do to complete this project. And put my courage-based plan together. I’ll share it with you xx
I notice that next to your name and picture is Author! The Universe is already claiming that for you!
We are all here for you Sas and I say that because I think this community is truly showing up for one another- so much support and cheering and careful listening and responding happening here.
xxx
Mary
That’s a lovely observation Mary! Thank you for your kindness 🙂
Hello again everyone! I’m so glad we’re doing another round of a 30-day goal. I would like some help to define my goal. It is still related to my online program, which has been slowly evolving since my last update. It is basically a home program that parents can follow to correct their child’s speech problem – they do the therapy, and I support them, so almost like distance therapy but I’m not the person actually doing the activities with the child. At the moment I have one person doing the program and I’m filming the videos as she progresses.
For some relevant context, my overall goal for this year is to increase my income to be making €5k per month gross (through whatever means) by the end of the year. After putting that out there I promptly got booked out (thanks universe!) and people are continuing to call wanting therapy. I should point out that I cannot reach my goal with the current business model of my speech pathology studio (primarily 1:1 therapy) even if I’m booked out. I have offered the program to two people who are keen to get started with therapy instead of waiting for a spot, and I’m pleased to be able to offer this option seeing as at the moment it’s impossible to get an appointment with a speech pathologist in my area, everyone is booked out!
While my initial thoughts this year were around developing an online presence in some way with the plan to eventually offer services and resources in a non 1:1 capacity, I’m thinking for my 30 day goal to focus on something that is needed right now to help people who are calling me and cannot get an appointment. So something around developing/finishing this program and making it easier to offer to people. Some thoughts on what I could achieve in 30 days: filming and making available the remaining videos, or creating and making available some sort of flyer or sales page that I could direct people to, updating my very basic website to include this offer…???
Nasreen – welcome back! SO good to have your energy with us 🙂
Firstly, congrats on getting booked out for your 1:1 services – that is so brilliant!
Your home programme for parents sounds like a fantastic addition to your business. SO many plusses to having a programme that is available for people – in addition to helping you reach your own financial growth.
Putting my business mentoring hat on for a second, I completely agree that serving this current need is way more important than your online presence. You already have the demand – so this goal feels very on point.
Regarding your goal, my nudge is to choose something that helps you feel excited about this creation stage. This is the phase of the programme you are in right now.
Maybe your goal about 30 days to get the programme ‘made’?
Sometimes it can be really helpful just to have a deadline! All the research suggests short, digestible lessons are the way. So what are the foundations/first steps for speech therapy? Maybe there are 6/10 lessons in here?
Remember, this initial course doesn’t have to cover everything. It might be the first course in a series. And there are online course sites (teachable, thinkific are a couple I know of) that will integrate with your website and host the whole thing for you (so all you have to do is create the content).
I wouldn’t worry too much about the marketing of it right now because this will come as you create it. Maybe have a task that’s about collecting messages and ideas for marketing? You might want to have a simple sign-up page on your website for anyone interested and start to talk about it with folks who are interested in working with you.
What comes up for you there, Nasreen?
Thanks Sas, I agree that completing the first iteration of the program is pretty motivating – I would feel much more confident offering it if I knew that it was all ready to go! The videos are all short so if I have to re-do/update any of them it’s not a problem. The first intro videos would be useful as a reference even for clients who are coming to the studio for therapy. So my 30 day goal is: complete the video lessons for my program. I have already collected some marketing ideas, thinking that perhaps I should put any additional program-related tasks on individual post-it notes as “optional extras” for this month.
Hi everyone, Happy New Year!
I’ve just watched the video, thanks all. I am really finding it difficult to articulate a goal.
I think I’d like to set a goal around my work in the world. I am just over halfway through a 2-year career break from my current job and I know I don’t want to go back to it. But I also feel like I have NO IDEA what to do next. Like, my mind goes completely blank. And when I think about why that happens, it really feels like my heart is putting up a wall against discovering (or maybe it would be more accurate to say ‘admitting’) what it could be. I guess I am trying to put up a wall against failure or disappointment or other potentially scary outcomes of discovering what it is that I’d really like to do, and the possibility that I won’t be able to do it or to do it well.
So, in using Sas’ 3 questions to find a goal that speaks to me and seems achievable, I understand that I want my life to have more meaning. I need help figuring out what can I do around this that feels like it comes from my Healthy Adult Self and also feels resonant and doable over 30 days.
In the video Tanya finds some potential starting points that sound really good and totally reasonable – but that do not seem doable for me right now. For example, looking at what I enjoy doing in my current role. (As I write that it sounds absolutely ridiculous – why would something so easy not feel doable? But I genuinely feel the mind-blank and a visceral ‘Oh bloody hell no please don’t make me do that’ feeling coming on when I picture sitting down to write those things out. Seriously, wtf is wrong with me?!?)
I guess it’s just that I feel like I have tried it so many times before – taking stock of enjoyable activities, my values and skills, etc., in order to decide next steps – and none of it has seemed to help me find clarity. The things I come up with either feel kind of untrue once looked at in the cold light of day, or I ignore what I’ve come up with and just do whatever job I manage to get. But my one wild and precious life feels like it is drifting away from me, and I am at the point where I cannot let that happen anymore. Yet I feel so frozen and can’t seem to find a way to start the melting. I just feel so much resistance and I don’t know how to get past it. I feel like I am resisting everything, including setting a goal. I know that part of this is tied to the burnout I was feeling before I took this career break, and I’m pretty sure part of it is tied to my Protectors. But I just feel so tangled up that I can’t even see the smallest possible step forward.
Ugh, I have a million more over-thinking questions and considerations I could add but I will stop here! I’d really value any thoughts and advice from you all. Or, you know, cat videos so I can just ignore it till it goes away.
Hi Christine,
I feel this so much. I have done all the things, too, and sometimes I’m like, I know my values, I know what I love, I know what I want, so why am I not?
Not sure that I have any advice, other than sharing what helps me–when I manage to do it. I’ve been feeling very lethargic these days, partly because of this pandemic that feels never-ending and partly because of so much time indoors during some wild weather in California. I kept telling myself that I would get out and walk when the weather improved, and it has and I haven’t. But I do know that when I do one small thing, like getting out of my place (which doesn’t always feel small), or making myself a healthful meal, my energy and motivation usually increase. At the risk of sounding like a Nike ad, just taking that tiny action helps me. And at least for me, at least these days, tiny is key. I’m trying to be my own booster section and not minimize the small steps I take, even if my heart is wanting more. I’m trying to trust that the larger dreams I have will happen, and that these small steps are on the path, even if I can’t always see the destination.
And I will offer this–we have all been through an absolute shitshow the last few years. I remind myself of this when I’m feeling life is passing me by. The pandemic, for those of us in the States, Trump and the GOP, and too many things to name–all of it has taken a toll. And I’m here, still trying, still hoping. I want to honor that, for me, for all of us.
This is not a cat video, but I found it incredibly beautiful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Uo2nomf4I0
Hope you enjoy it, too!
Those small, tiny steps are absolutely gold Susan! I would love you to start rewarding yourself with cat stickers / gold stars, whatever makes you smile 🙂
I completely agree that the last few years have been so traumatic, I think many of us are just starting to process everything. So every tiny thing you do really counts xx
Thank you, Sas! I love that idea. I have a paper calendar that I’ve been adding checkmarks to (and little circles for my morning meditation, which I’ve started again). But stickers would make this way more fun. I want unicorns and rainbows and little kitties. <3
Christine – it’s so good to see you and to read everything you have shared here.
From what you’ve said, in my professional estimation, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you – it just sounds like you’ve got a really vocal Protector who has decided to offer you lots of career guidance!
While this is really frustrating (I so hear that!), it will be for a bloody good reason.
The mind-blank and tangled thoughts / the ‘frozen’ resistance, offers us a great clue as to what might be happening here.
If we think about the ‘freeze’ stress response, I always see this as the ‘nobody move, nobody gets hurt‘ form of protection.
I wonder what comes up when you ponder this? What might be the ‘hurt’ your Protector is worried about?
Hello and happy new year!
I am starting with small steps. My goal is around a photography project, and since Dec 31, I have been spending at least 15 minutes each day working on it, often more than that. But 15 minutes is the plan, and I’ve stayed with it. So, I’m not sure if my goal for SBS should be 30 more days (I’m planning to go a lot more than that), or if it should be one photo I can finally declare done. I’m close.to that, finally. 🙂
YAY for 15 minutes!! This really is genius, Susan. 15 minutes adds up to a everything xx
Thank you! I’m also giving myself permission to hop around a bit, something I’ve always judged myself harshly for. Part of that was because I’ve used jumping around as an avoidance tactic in the past, but I’m feeling more grounded, like if I wander off (which I’m going to do regardless of what any critic, inner or outer, tells me), I’ll find my way back.
Loves,
I’ve made my list of actions (below). I have procrastinated on just writing the bloody list! And the thing I realised as I wrote this is that actually, I am at the last phase of this project – all the ‘easy, doable’ tasks are done!
So of course, this is bringing up more resistance. Just acknowledging that has helped me feel more compassionate towards myself.
I’m starting action today. I’ve booked those writing days 🙂
Finishing Book Proposal
Hi everyone! My 30 day goal is around finding ways to take better care of myself – really experimenting with ways to find nourishment and play.
So far on my list of actions to do to achieve my goal I’ve written a list of activities I could try; and then written:
Ask for others suggestions of activities
Make time for it in diary
Commit to doing it
I feel like there’s probably more to add to the list of actions. I also thought (as per ‘ask’ action) that others might suggest some novel activities I could try. So….
What do you recommend as ways to take care of yourself?
What else should I be adding to my list of actions?
Thanks lovely people!
P.S Sadly not able to join tomorrow’s session but look forward to watching back.
Thank you to Sas and everyone on this morning’s call!! Really helped me to understand the nuts and bolts of this process (meaning what to do when the old stories and beliefs start to play and my all or nothing mindset kicks in)!!
BONUS: I found my word for 2023: SOFTEN
xxx
Mary
I too found today’s call really helpful, and written loads of notes. So thank you to everyone who shared, I was able to relate and get ideas from everything you were saying. ALSO I’m feeling particularly insecure about my hair at the moment because the only hairdressers that makes me feel safe/not anxious is closed for refurbishment so I’m not been able to get a trim when I wanted. So a particular thanks to Mary and Sas, because getting a hair compliment has had a huge impact on my mood today! xx
P.S. I have a sticker on my notebook which says “There is strength in your softness” which I realised after a while wasn’t something that really chimed with me, so I crossed it out and changed it to “There is softness in your strength” as a reminder of what I can lose by being this proud/resilient/strong/independent woman (which I love). As Andy said, we gain little by being strong and resilient to the detriment of our own spirit.
Did I say that? Well done me! Sas, can we watch the Tuesday morning coaching calls back? I don’t see them with the coaching calls from last year.
You are very wise. I think the recordings are the videos at the top of this page.
hey lovely! just scroll to the top of this page and they are there. Let me know if you can’t see them (might be easier on a laptop/monitor rather than a phone) x
Hello everyone –
Checking in for the first time for 2023! It’s been a slow emergence into the new year for me. I was all set to hit the ground running – found my word of the year: CELEBRATE. Started doing some self-coaching on the year ahead, and then I received a diagnosis that I have Hashimoto’s disease. This was a few weeks ago, and it totally threw me off track as it was very unexpected.
I have noticed I have had a lot of emotions around this diagnosis (understandably) and definitely had some thoughts about how, as a result, ‘I’m behind’. Behind with the new year, that it’s almost February and I don’t feel like I’ve got going yet, that I haven’t set goals or reflected on 2022 to inform this year… etc, etc. However, I’ve realised how unhelpful this is so I am choosing to think of this all in another way – I am not behind, I am exactly where I need to be. I needed to rest and process, and I will continue to do so. There is no rush.
With this in mind, I think I might have found my goal?
To take my word of the year, and CELEBRATE my body. To find things every single day that I want to celebrate about it. Today I am celebrating my ability to heal, my resilience and my instinctual awareness. I am celebrating that I had the energy to workout, and it felt great. I also nourished myself so well with the food I know will help me heal.
I don’t know if this even classifies as a goal? It isn’t huge, it isn’t complicated, but I think it helps me shift my mindset from ‘I’m broken / my body has betrayed me’ to ‘I love my body, my body loves me back. I am not broken, and my body wants to heal’.
Sas, any thoughts?
Hannah x
Hannah! My palindrome sister 🙂 SO good to see you here. And just a few weeks after a big old diagnosis – of course there has been a pause. I am cheering on your self-talk – it sounds like you noticed how unhelpful this was and adjusted compassionately – bravo!
Spending 30 days celebrating your body is a great goal – especially as your relationship with your body is so relevant for you right now. And this will be the foundation of everything else.
The 30 days could be about tuning in to see what you have energy for. What foods might nourish you today. How you want to move today. How you want to adorn, treat, and celebrate your body today… Just keeping a record of this is going to give you so much great info as you learn more about how to thrive with this diagnosis.
I want you to notice how the word ‘celebrate’ feels and if you want to tweak this? (you might not!).
We’ve been talking about inevitable setbacks – one of the most common is all-or-nothing thinking – that we get locked into pass/fail criteria. There will be days when of course you don’t feel like celebrating your body – is it possible that you might see those days as a ‘fail’ and it causes your goal to collapse? It might not!
Some alternatives might be:
How does this land for you Hannah?
Hi everyone. Thanks for all your messages of support on the call. I wanted to share how immediately I had a bit of a breakthrough, and my first breadcrumb, after leaving my desk to make lunch. Sharing our thoughts and ideas together really is magic!
I realised that it’s actually not that I don’t have ideas about what I want to do. I have a lot of thoughts that bring excitement but I immediately shut them down for being stupid!
Additionally, on some level I think these small joys don’t matter as much as say, changing my career path. That all or nothing thinking strikes again!
I feel another goal forming about creative expression and play…
Hello everyone! I was about to start this with an apology for being late to the party and have stopped myself. I’m here now and that’s what matters.
Thank you to everyone who has shared here and on the calls, you have all given me courage and inspiration to do the same.
I’ve been watching the calls on catch-up and the discussion around creative goals resonated with me. I want to wake up my dormant artistic skills and reinvigorate that part of myself. Atm it feels too overwhelming, it’s too big a goal and I let life get in the way as the goal is so undefined.
During the second call, I think it was Sas who said something about creating the conditions in which to work, which was a lightbulb moment for me. I have a pile of physical clutter in my workspace at home, I literally have to walk around it to get to my desk (I also work from home in my day job) and sometimes dread going in there.
This is the legacy of moving house three days before lockdown in 2020 (!) and not being able to clear crap out for months afterwards. As a result it’s made its way to the room at the bottom of the house, where I’ve left it all. There are also some things from my ex-married house (sold in 2015!) that have travelled with me that I no longer need/want – those things are dispersed around the house and in my way (energetically speaking).
I dream of hiring a skip and chucking it all out but some of it is worth selling (or maybe offering it for free…?), and the guilt of sending it to landfill prevents me. I’m tired of clearing things out after seven years in which I moved twice and sold/donated/gave away more things than I can remember, but these are the last vestiges of that period of my life.
I want to clear the physical clutter and by doing so help clear some of the emotional and energetic crap that’s blocking me. Now I’m focussing on it, it feels like a constant pressure around my neck and shoulders.
When I thought about why I procrastinate, my healthy adult self immediately popped up and went, hmmm….it’s pretty obvious, it’s in your face! My protector has stopped me “seeing” it and has stopped me from listening to my healthy adult self, who knows I need to deal with it.
I’m not sure how to distill that into a pithy one-line goal – “create the space to create” isn’t quite it – but I feel an order of sage sticks coming on. x
Kate! It’s SO good to see you here and I loved reading your share. And yes, to everything that is so overwhelming and RIGHT THERE that we just ignore it. I think this is a wildly shared experience 🙂
I sense that these forms of clutter are now inviting you to tend to them. Like, now is the time!
What if your goal was: ’30 days to clear my space’?
You can make a list of all the spaces you want to clear and categorise them as we do into Easy, Doable, etc. Whenever I’ve supported folks to do this kind of work there is usually a sense of overwhelm, and that does tend to lessen as you get into it.
It’s likely that some spaces and items do carry more emotional weight. How might you take care of yourself when that happens? One of my favourites is to have a huge cry. Also: when I was unpacking my own ex-married house I took several boxes of stuff to the recycling centre and smashed lots of smashable things (this is highly recommended when there is anger).
An Easy task this weekend watching Stacy Solomon’s excellent ‘Sort your life out’ show. Or The Home Edit. Just to get you in the vibe.
All to say – you can make this process as creative as you want! Keep asking: how can I clear my space today?
How does that land for you Kate?
Just watching the replay and the conversation with Candida. I also struggle with compassion vs letting myself off the hook. I find it useful to think of how I would respond to my child (or my dear friend) in this situation? If I have someone’s best interests at heart, how do I respond? Would I encourage them to do the hard thing? If my child is struggling with homework do I tell him to just shut the book he won’t get in that much trouble anyway, or do I reconfigure it to give him more support/have a short break/do some now and some later/choose a different homework task right now? This strategy only works if you are a parent who doesn’t coddle their child, obvs 😏 Another thing I sometimes try is asking myself if I’ll be happy about this decision when I’m laying my head on the pillow tonight? Will I be happy that I (for example) didn’t do a workout today? (maybe yes!) Will I be happy that I substituted my usual workout for a 15 min cycle with my son? Will I be happy that I pushed through and did it even though I have a sore knee?
This was a really useful conversation to hear.
This is such a great analogy.
I especially love how many options you came up with! And yes grabbing this for yourself will be so great 🙂
Hello everyone! Late to the party as just watched the first video but wanted to share where I am. I seem to have been following some sort of plan as outlined here without me really realising it. 4 months ago I had an accident and have gone from being a really physically active person to.. well, not… and at the moment not even really being able to talk. So obviously my BIG goal is to get back to the person that I was but in the meantime I have been moving along in small steps.
One of my goals is to get out walking again as I used to take my dog out for 1 to 2 hours a day every day. Up until last month I couldn’t even leave the house without panicking.
However, this month (admittedly with the help of anxiety meds) I am making progress. 🙌
I started off just walking on the porch, then progressed to down the lane and back, then to the end of the main road, etc. Eventually I made it as far as the beach (10 mins). This week I have started going out twice a day. And my aim every day is to go just that little bit further than the day before. It’s like I have to forge those new neural pathways again!
Looking forward to watching the rest of the videos and seeing everyone’s progress. 😀
This is amazing progress Sharon, I’m so pleased for you!!
Aw thanks so much Sheena, so kind of you x
Sharon this is SUCH good news! You have been in my thoughts. What a perfect lived analogy for how incremental steps (literally) take us forward. I bet Lily is thrilled too. It’s really good to see you here xx
Thanks Sas, good to be here again. Not taking Lily yet, she’s having walks with Jim, makes me a bit sad as I think she’s going off me now! Another incentive to get there … 🤣
Hello everyone,
This week has been interesting, my favorite catchall word. I’ve been doing something related to my 30-day goal every day (15 minutes of something around my photography project) and am now on day 42. I started before class, obvs, because it felt like the right time.
And now I am showing myself some kindness. I injured myself on Weds by tripping over something on the sidewalk, literally falling flat on my face and needing stitches on my lower lip. Painful af. I’m not up to photographing my project at the moment, so I’ve gone back to 15 minutes of watching Photohop videos or charging batteries, etc. And I am totally ok with that and not feeling as though it will all slip away. I’m really looking forward to getting back to the work but I’m honoring my need for rest.
I took an online class last week that was project-based and spent several hours each day making work and continue to take photos up until Wednesday when I fell. I learned so much, got great feedback on my images and am not considering a low-residency MFA program, if I can figure out how to finance it.
Hope everyone is doing well.
Am now considering*
My word – Day 42!
I love that this opens you up to seeing where you might go with your photography. An MFA sounds fascinating.
AND it sounds like you are including a lot of compassion for yourself – amazing. I am curious to know if you are noticing the relationship changing to your art, and your creativity?
So sorry to hear about your fall. That sounds very shocking and painful, I’m sending love.
Thank you, Sas! Yes, hurt like a mf, and I have the pain threshold of a toddler :(. Still hurts, although I’m healing well.
The self-compassion is getting easier for me, maybe bc I started meditating again after a super long time away? As for changing my relationship to art and creativity, I think it has. I’ve always thought of myself as creative, but sometimes just in my mind without any output and that frustrated me. Now I know that my camera is waiting for me and I have confidence I will get back to it and not forget what I’ve been learning. I’m still needing to rest and will ease back in slowly. I also feel like I’ve reached another level and the tech part isn’t nearly as difficult as it has been, although it will probably never be a strength, and that is totally ok. Who knows, maybe I can help others who are struggling in the same way?
Yes, the MFA is something I’m going to let percolate. It’s 60K USD, which I do not have, but I could start saving, maybe. Something nice to dream about.
<3
You’ve dedicated yourself to learning the tech, and embodying your creativity with your 15 minutes a day commitment – so it makes complete sense that you are now feeling like your creativity is a very real part of your self-concept – not just an idea.
Healing from this injury sounds like the perfect space to daydream in 🙂
“…your creativity is a very real part of your self-concept – not just an idea.” Yes! I’ve always felt comfortable saying I’m creative, and now I feel like a creative. And yes to daydreaming! One of my favorite activities. TY, Sas.
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Good morning!
Are we meeting at 10:30 am this morning Tuesday February 14th?
Thanks!
Mary
So sorry for the mess up with this morning’s call 🙁
The email notification was meant to go out last Wednesday, but there was some kind of glitch with my email provider, and I didn’t notice it was unsent until this morning.
Hope to see you tomorrow – Wednesday 15th – at the slightly earlier time of 10am.
Hello! Not sure where to put this, it’s a reflection on the criticism workshop that Sas did this week. For me it definitely applies to my courage-based goal, because one of the things that holds me back from completing and promoting my program is fear of criticism, specifically fear of being seen as incompetent in a professional context. This workshop really helped me work through that, it was so good! I can now see that yes, although I am a capable competent person I am also incompetent at times, and just as well otherwise I would be an automaton, which is a) not how I want to live and b) the very thing that would actually make me an incompetent speech pathologist.
As for my courage-based goal, I’ve recorded an additional video and outlined the other videos, to be recorded next week. Chugging along and making tweaks as I go.